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By: Tim Wolff You may listen to this devotion in audio form via podcast here.
11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
Grief is a hard thing. But, if you’ve ever experienced great loss or pain, you don’t need me to tell you that. In the midst of loss, at least for myself, there always seems to be this initial daze. This time of questioning, of trying to wrap your head around the situation, asking “Is this even real?”. Trying to reason yourself awake, out of this dream, this nightmare. I think this is where we find Job. In the midst of his grief. In the center of his blank stare. His livelihood was destroyed. His children were taken from him. His wife left. His body was ravaged and he sits on the ground covered in ash. Alone.
That’s one of the hard things about grief. It makes you feel like you’re alone. Now, I can’t explain the psychology behind that, but one thing I believe that contributes to this feeling is that we often are actually alone - to some degree. As someone on the outside of grief, it’s not always easy to know how to help. It’s always a little awkward trying to figure out what to say to someone who’s experienced loss. If you’ve ever gone through a receiving line at a funeral, you know the stress of coming up with the right words. And if you ever stood on the receiving side, you know all too well that there are words spoken to comfort that do anything but.
As we read today’s passage, we find what I think is the best way to help those who are grieving. When Job’s friends got word of what had happened to him and his family, they came to him. In this passage, in the first seven days of their visit, they say nothing. They simply came to be with Job and to mourn with him. They sat together. They cried together. They were together. They didn’t worry themselves with coming up with the best words. They didn’t try to conjure advice that would make things better. They knew that simply being with him was what he needed.
I think we often overlook the power of presence. We downplay the significance of being there even though we so often think or talk about it in situations not regarding loss. Think about a time when someone was or wasn’t there for a big moment. Like the time your baseball team made it to the championship and you saw your dad standing out beyond the outfield still dressed in his work clothes...but he made it. Or that time your brother couldn’t make it home from college for Thanksgiving and it just felt wrong without him. Or when you had surgery and that whole list of people came to see how you were doing and brought you a meal. If their presence was so significant in these situations, why couldn’t it be in your mourning?
As you’ve set aside this time to reflect and read God’s word, think about a time of loss, whether it’s your own or someone else’s. Think about who showed up for you. Think about what that meant to you. Think about how you set things aside for someone else...or maybe didn’t. We so often think great words are the cure, or maybe that we need to give people space to grieve. But, scripture says that we are to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15b) not “let those who mourn, mourn.” God created us as communal beings and He knew that we would need each other’s presence. As you continue this time, think about these questions. How can you show up for someone? How can you show them that they’re not alone? How has someone shown up for you? Have you told them what that meant to you?
Be like Job’s friends (but only in these first seven days!). Don’t worry about the words. Be there.